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| I don't care if it sucks. It's accurate. It isn't like anyone reads this, anyway. So, I suppose it doesn't matter.
I think I'll close my eyes
and drift away.
I think I'll close my eyes
and play pretend.
I think I'll close my eyes
and smile in my sleep.
I think I'll close my eyes
and never wake up.
I'll paint a pretty picture
beneath the blackness of my eyelids.
The days and nights will melt together
and leave me to my imaginary world.
There, my sun will never set
and the moon will never grace the sky.
There, all feeling still remains
and my fingertips will embrace the warmth.
There, I will never have to dream
and be haunted by the images I see.
There, in my imaginary world, in my mind
I feel safe. There is nothing there.
Nothing to touch me.
Nothing to hold me.
Nothingness is existence.
| | |
| One year around and I'm right back to the beginning. You know what? Fuck the beginning. Fuck the end, and fuck everything in between. Did I know that was the direction everything was headed? Maybe. But it doesn't really matter now. Only thing is, he's breaking up with me and he's not even sure of the reasons why. He can assume all he wants that he knows is the truth, but it isn't. For a few very good reasons, several of which involving him.
Maybe if I just close my eyes I can forget about everything... That seemed to work well enough last night. I'm fucking myself over, and fucking myself up without a goddamn care. Someone close to me said it isn't worth it... I think it is. What are you supposed to do when everything you've known just leaves, anyway? Laugh it off? "Oh, that's alright, I'll get over it eventually."? I guess that's what everyone thinks. But it won't ever be the same...
The bridge is all crumbled
The water soaks into rocks
that fell at the bottom of the road
(At the end of the town)
The town that we lived in
The memories shaken apart from the weeds that grow
Over the sidewalks
Running away from the streets we knew
Sidewalks
Like the time we thought was made for you
Oh...
Out on the front porch
watching the cars as they go by
(Eighteen blue, twenty one grey)
Looking ahead for the first time that we could drive
Out on our own
To speed away
From the sidewalks
Running away from the streets we knew
Sidewalks
Like the time we thought was made for you
Oh...
All of the days have passed us by
All of the sun is gone... away
Sidewalks
Running away from the streets we knew
Sidewalks
Running away from the streets we knew
Sidewalks
Like the time we thought was made for you
(Sidewalks)
The bridges are crumbled
The water soaks into rocks
(Sidewalks)
That fell at the bottom of the road
| | |
| Tell me your dreams and your wishes.
Tell me about the craziest thing you've done lately, the stupidest thing you've done lately, the bravest thing you've done lately.
Tell
me about your family and the people you love. Tell me about everyone
who's made a difference in your life and who you wish would just leave
it.
Tell me all the things you hate and all the things you cant get enough of.
Tell me about your girlfriend or your boyfriend, tell me about the person you have a crush on.
Tell
me about the greatest thing you ever did with your friends, tell me
about all the memories you never want to get rid of and the ones you
never wanted to have,
Tell me about all your friends, tell me
about the impacts they've had on your life; whether big or small. Tell
me about the inside jokes and the times they stood up for you.
Tell
me your deepest secret, tell me things you wouldn't even tell your best
friend's dog. Tell me all the things you need to get off your chest, the
things that weigh you down and plague you with guilt.
Tell me what forever means to you; tell me what love means to you.
Tell
me the things you wish you could tell everyone else, tell me all the
things you want to scream at everyone who's ever let your down, pushed
you around or made your life feel meaningless.
Tell me about the
people who have done just that to you, tell me about how much they hurt
you and how badly you want to hurt them.
Tell me what you love to do and tell me what you want to do.
Tell me what inspires you and what puts you down.
Tell me what makes you happy and what makes you cry.
Tell me what sets you off and tell me what calms you down.
Tell me everything. | | |
| "choking on nothing
it's clear in my head
and i'm screaming for something
knowing nothing is better than knowing it all
on my own" - the used, on my own
these rooftops are so empty
now - the starless nights so dull,
a colorless, thoughtless void in my mind-
"truly" means nothing at all.
our words litter on paper like thoughts
run through my head, and actions
desecrate a stretched, white canvas;
reveals a fatal, physical attraction.
memory- a slight brush of palm,
never remembers the gesture as well
as the touch itself, will not do justice
to the meanings of movement that dwell.
the words 'you' and 'I' never sounded
so wrong, but so right.
| | |
| Doesn't it just figure? When they're finally out of your mind, and you don't think about them anymore...you see them? The world just hates me, I suppose.
I think my heart stopped beating for a minute, while everything rushed back. But I just took a deep breath, and the moment passed. It's getting easier each day.
So work was horrible...don't even ask, because I don't feel like explaining. It was just way too busy, seriously...it was ridiculous. More than one person ended up pissing me off, and got quite an earful. Made me feel slightly better.
But whatever. I need to start looking for a new job, I can't take much more of the stress this one is putting on me. I have enough of bullshit in my life without having to deal with all of it at work, too.
I can't wait for school to start... Sad, I know, but I have nothing better to do. I have no life anymore, ahaha. August 27th, yay. That's like, what, a week and two days? Hoorah, lol.
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